What are your eyes focused on?

Where are your eyes looking?

I can't believe I have been in Uganda for 46 days!! The question i get asked the most when people met me and find out i have a family in the states is "this must be so hard, how do you do it?" hmm, I don't have a simple answer for that. Someone told me last week that I seemed so positive all the time and that she never saw me sitting around complaining or being depressed. I think it is a matter of perspective. What are your eyes focused on? What do you think about?
First, let me tell you there have been some very dark times when I felt under strong attack from Satan. There were several times, when i first got here, that I questioned if I was doing the right thing, questioned why I even came here, questioned if this adoption was really God's will. But through the help of my husband and dear friends (all of you who wrote those awesome letters and gave me great scriptures to read) my mind was re-focused. I cant even begin to tell you how much I miss my family. There aren't words that could express that. However, if this is what I focused on each day, then everyone would find me in a corner somewhere crying and complaining. Instead my focus everyday has to be on Jesus. I have asked myself often in this journey "is Christ really all i need?" because if the answer is yes, then why can't I be joyfull and joy filled while i am here, even when i am hurting from missing my family. And, if that is true, that Christ is all i need, then my circumstances should not dictate if I am happy or sitting in a corner being depressed.
God has put in me such a LOVE for the people of Uganda. I truly love the kids here at Sanyu and i count it such a privilege and joy to be able to love these kids and tell them that someone loves them. They will know they are loved, they will get hugs and kisses everyday. They will have someone praying over them everyday that i am here. I have also met some great kids at other programs, like Peace for children Africa (PCA) and african hearts, both programs that help street kids living in the slums. (by the way, Kampala has 4,000 street kids) I have seen extreme poverty up close. I have walked around villages where their water came from streams filled with waste and garbage. I have seen joy and happiness in children who, according to most peoples standards, should not be. I have met and talked with kids who have gone through things i could never imagine. How can i complain about myself after that? Yes, I am here to bring a beautiful child home and make one less orphan in this world, but I believe God has shown me so much more. I have been going to a really great church that is working in the slums, that is working to change Kampala and show Gods love to the people here. Don't get overwhelmed by the need, just start working, doing, and changing one life at a time, is one thing God has impressed upon me. God has sent so many wonderful people in my life, both here and at home and He has really shown me that it is not from my own strength that I do anything. This journey has been so hard, but i am so thankful for the lessons that the Lord is teaching me. How can i complain about that?

Right now I am listening to Jeremy Camp "empty me" and that is my prayer "holy fire, burn away my desire for anything that is not of you and is of me, I want more of you and less of me...empty me...fill me with You..."
Some of my favorite verses while here:

Isaiah 42:16
And I will lead the blind in a way they do not know, in paths that they have not known,I will guide them. I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places to level ground. These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them.

Isaiah 26:3
You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock.

Isaiah 1:17
Learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression,bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widows cause.

Psalm 82
Give justice to the weak and the fatherless, maintain the right of the afflicted and destitute,rescue the weak and needy...

Psalm 112:7
He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord.

And the verses i read everyday
Isaiah 40:28-31 and Isaiah 41:10
Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary, his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary and young men shall fall exhausted, but they that wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed for I am God; I will strengthen you, i will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.