Step out

Before you read this, (if you still want to after seeing the length of it), please start the video at the bottom and then close your eyes and listen to the words. Ever since hearing this song it has stayed in my mind. I can not stop thinking about it. "Does your worship have hands, does it have feet..." Wow...

These are some of my very scattered thoughts that go through my head when I listen to this song.....

Awhile back, Jade Metz, wrote a blog about stepping out of the boat. She encouraged people to get out of the boat, get out of your comfort zone, listen to God, take that step of faith, and see the awesome things God will and can do. Like Peter, stepping out of the boat, during the storm, with his focus on Jesus, he could walk on water. She used our story in Uganda as an example of stepping out and all the awesome things God can do when you step out.(which He did!!!! More on that later) I hope and pray that it encouraged people to listen and get out. Jump out with both feet and let God move. No matter how crazy it sounds, if God is leading, do it!! However, I do not feel like I did completely step out of the boat. I put my leg out to test the waters, maybe I stepped out, but as soon as I got home, I jumped back in where I feel safe.

Yes, we looked crazy by buying a plan ticket to Uganda when there were no judges to hear our case and our attorney told us not to. But God gave us peace and we knew this was the right decision. Looking back this was definitely from God. He did awesome things. I didn't like being gone from my family for so long (70 days), but Madison didn't even respond favorably to me until around week 6. I needed that time with her, one on one, without my children at home needing me also. God worked in the relationship and changed it completely! We got a court date after the courts were closed. We got a ruling of guardianship and then the judge changed her mind the day before my visa appointment and we got a full adoption! All things I would not have experienced, all ways that God showed His power, that I would not have seen had we not said yes and stepped out. I want to continue that in my life. I want to keep stepping out, or better yet, never get back in the boat. But I did...

I also think of my time in Uganda at the babies home. Maybe my faith had hands and feet, but my attitude was awful sometimes and that does not please God.  While in Uganda, I was definitely not in my comfort zone, in the safety of the boat. There were some things that I only did because I knew if Jesus was walking around He would be doing that. One of those things was dinner time at the babies home. Every evening I argued to myself. Things like "this is gross, I am going to throw up, lets just leave...this is chaotic, stressful, I have been here all day, maybe I should go rest before dinner instead, after all I need my rest....Maybe I could go listen to some sermons or worship music, that would please you God, right?..." Then I looked around and saw the need. There is not enough help at meals times because it is awful, hard, stressful, chaotic, not fun....Then I would say "OK Lord, if this is what you want me to do, I will stay and do it. I don't want to, but I will..(bad attitude, I know) then I asked, but why...Madison hates me and won't eat dinner when I am around, wont sit on the potty, she rolls on the floor screaming because I am here...Why stay?" Well, I believe that if Jesus was walking around, He WOULD walk right into that babies home at meal time, say follow me, and start serving. I pictured that in my mind. Wow, I am a christian woman who says I want to be like Him. So, I suck it up and stay.(pray for some grace and strength, pray NOT to throw up because someone is covered in poop). Some nights were AWFUL and some nights I had such sweet moments with the children, precious, loving moments I will cherish.  But that was also a limited time of service. I didn't even do it that well, or with the proper attitude some days. Some days I complained in my head the whole time, which then affected my outward attitude. It was not godly service, with a loving attitude. But then, what about at home, here in North Carolina? How does my worship have hands and feet?  How do I step out of the boat? You don't have to go to a third world country to serve. But I have lots of excuses...I have three 2yr olds, my other daughter is busy with school, I can barely keep things going as it is, my house is a mess, aren't I doing enough  by serving my family???? These are all questions and excuses I use. I do feel serving my family IS what God has called me to do, but I also know I am still suppose to serve others. How many times does God say to help the poor. There are poor here in NC, not just in third world countries. I need to serve them, to get the gospel out there...Be an example to my children, teach them to serve and love. But, I tell myself that I don't know how. I keep waiting for God to show me, but I know I just need to do and not wait. In the doing, He will show me. But then I come back to what to do? These are things that haunt me while I listen to this song. Things I am praying about. I don't have answers, just questions and convictions from God. God has given me passions and now I need to use them to do something.

There is a book I want to get and it talks about getting a dislocated heart. A God given compassion, love, care for others that propels you out of your comfort zone." Yes, please. I want that. I want a dislocated heart. (I hope the book is good) Anyway,

Another thing I think about when I hear this song are those people who say they are believers and yet don't live the life. They acknowledge Jesus with their lips, but deny Him by their lifestyle. I think of that because of some conversations I had with people. One woman in Uganda knew I was a Christian. She did not think to highly of Christians. She told me of a woman she knew who just sat in her apartment all day reading the Bible but she never did anything to help anyone. This woman, according to her, sounded capable of serving, but didn't. She was very put off by the fact that this woman, who professed  faith, did nothing when people around her needed help. This got me thinking more. I know that we are not saved by works and all that. I understand. But I have heard similar stories from other people also. People here in the states. People profess Jesus, they may go to church, they spend lots of time reading the Bible (all awesome things and you should read your Bible, please don't take this the wrong way) but then don't go out and do anything for Jesus. They see people in need, have the ability to serve, and do nothing. They profess and then don't live it. Yes, we have to read our Bible and pray, we have to maintain that relationship first and foremost, but we must also serve.

               James 2 "What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not
               have works?...If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says
               to them, 'go in peace, be warmed and filled,' without giving them the things needed for the body,
               what good is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead."

Wow!! I ask myself, do I have fruit? Does my faith have hands? Does it have feet?????

              Isaiah 58:6&7, 10&11 " Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of wickedness, to
              undo the straps of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke? Is it not to
              share your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the
              naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from your own flesh?...IF you pour yourself out for
              the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your
              gloom be as noonday. And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched
              places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water,
              whose waters do not fail."

And finally, these are two quote from a book I read in Uganda. I keep remembering them, especially when I hear this song. (they are from the book "in a pit with a lion on a snowy day")

"No guts, no glory. When we don't have the guts to step out in faith and chase lions, then God is robbed of the glory that rightfully belongs to Him" and "Lion chasers know God is bigger and more powerful than any problem they face in this world. They thrive in the toughest circumstances because they know that impossible odds set the stage for amazing miracles. (SO TRUE) That is how God reveals His glory and how He blesses you in ways you never could imagine."

This is a very long post. If anyone is still reading this, then please read Matthew 25:31-46. I don't want to be among the ones he says "depart from me..." I want to be among the "as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me." The least of these are the poor, helpless, orphaned, widowed....I want to serve.....I want to step out, jump out....I want my worship to have hands and feet........